Tingle of Possesed Soul
by Feere Gorone
Summary: This fic takes place after Wind Waker. If you are traumatised by catnip smokes then don't read this but review it. Sorry for the occasional spelling errors. Rated teen for some language, tobaco andor drug andor alcohol use. Some chapters will be atrociasl
1. Chapter 1: Catnip Smokes

Just a note, I think smoking is disgusting and I only put it in for humor. Zelda belongs to Nintendo and Shiguru Miyamoto. This fic was writen by me and my friends Eric and Levi. On with the humor! 

Another note, I will use my own names for some charecters so here:

Medli: Bird Girl

Komali: Bird Boy

Makar: Marker

Tingle of Possesed Soul

Chapter One: Catnip Smokes

Tingle standing on his tower smoking a large cigar filled with what apears to be catnip. Knuckle and David Jr are staring at him with mixtures of discust and envy on their faces.

Tingle: Wooooaaaaa! Where did you guys get this stu stu stu stu… what's the word? Oh. Yeah. Stuff. Yeah, where did you guys get this stuff?

David Jr: I found it in your basement, sire.

Tingle: Oh my Lord! I have a… a…

David Jr: Basement?

Tingle: Sh sh sh sh shut up and work.

David Jr: Jerk.

Tingle pulls out shotgun.

Tingle: You want to say that to my my my face?

Tingle shoots randomly, almost shooting Knuckle in the head.

Knuckle: Why do we do this labor anyway? Do you really think this is a tourist attraction your highness?

Tingle is barfing endlessly over the side of the tower. When he finishes he pulls out eight catnip smokes and lights them all at once in his mouth. Meanwhile on Dragon Roost, the bird people see lots of smoke to the west.

Quil: OMG! Smoke on Tingle Tower! I was supposed to get drunk there on Saturday. It can't be killed! Unless Tingle's smoking illegle substances.

Bird Girl: Let's go there with an unnecicary amount of bird cops.

Bird Boy: Shut up hoty.

Quil: Shut up bird boy.

Rito get lots of birdies and go to Tingle Tower.

Knuckle: There's cops here!

Tingle: cccccccooooopppsss?

Quil: Hand over the catnip smokes or you go to jail.

Tingle: Thththis is catnip!

David Jr and Knuckle hide.

Tingle: My smokes!

Tingle pulls out a shotgun and whacks Bird Girl over the head. A bullet is accidently fired and it kills Link's hat.

Link: My fav hat!

Link starts crying.

Ritos take Tingle to Windfall jail.

Link: I'll go back to Outset… my hat! Sob sob sob!

End of Chapter One

Hope you liked that. Chapter two should be up in at least the next 2 weeks. Sorry it was so short. They'll all be like that but it'll be funny.

Feere Gorone, exalted wind mage of Hyrule, signing off.

Ps: plz review. I don't care if you hated it but plz review.


	2. Chapter 2: Aryl Eaten

Chapter Two: Aryl Eaten 

Next day Link wakes up on Outset and does morning routine: yawn, scratch butt, take a dump and mourn for his hat. Then he goes to his grandma for some soup.

Link: Cook old hag.

Grandma: But the most important ingredient is love! And love takes time!

Link: Shut up! You're not my real grama.

Grandma: sob sob sob.

Link goes out of door and crashes into pot lady.

Pot lady: Oh the horor! My precious pot. But never fear! I had a pot inside the pot. But gimee ten rupees anyway.

Link: Never you pig face fat lard jerkwad poo smelling thing!

Link harrases pot lady and gets twenty rupees off of her.

Link walks straight into Orca's house.

Orca: So, you're back for a re-match, eh Link?

Link: Ummm… no.

Orca: Too bad.

Orca suddenly pulls out a big spear.

Orca: Die Link!

Link: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Orca knockes away Link's sword and hits Link in the forehead with the spear-butt. Link sees black and falls on the floor. When he wakes up, he's in his room, tied to a chair.

Grandma: You're grounded, son.

Link: Son?

Grandma: Yes. I'm your mother.

First part of Bethovin's fifth goes on. Da da da da!

Link: Ahhhhhhhhh! My moms five thousand!

Faint

Wake up

Faint

Wake up

Then Link gets an idea. He grabbs a dagger that was somehow in his belt and he cuts the ropes. Then he jumps out the window.

Link: That was easy.

Trip

Link: Ow ow ow ow!

Grandma: What was that noise?

Link: Uh oh.

Link injurs the black pig and jumps on it, using it as a hoursy.

Link: To the mountain thingy!

The pig obeys and goes up the mountain with Link. Link sees his sister getting devowered by sea gulls.

Aryl: Nooooo! Why did you betray me!

Sea gull #1: Gimme a piece of her leg.

Sea gull #2: Get it yourself you !#$?&.

Aryl: Whyyyyyyy?

Link: Yay! I get to keep her useless telescope!

End of chapter 2

Again, sorry it was so short. If you were offended by Aryl getting eaten then you should have read the title. Either way, chapter three should be up soon.

Feere Gorone, exalted wind mage of Hyrule, signing out.


	3. Chapter 3: Possesion

I am so sorry for the many month delay! I have actually got up to eleven chapters written, but I can never find time to type them up. I'm sorry, but I forgot to tell you in my glossery of characters an important person, so here's the updated version:

Medli: Bird Girl

Komali: Bird Boy

Makar: Marker

King of Red Lions: Red Lion Guy

On with the humor!

Tingle of Possesed Soul: Chapter Three: Tingle Possesion

Link sailing north to Windfall Island with the wind blowing south.

Beedle: Hoy! Buy something!

Link: No.

Beedle: Bye!

Link: What an ass.

Red Lion Guy: Why don't you play ballad of Gales, or at least make the wind go north?

Link: And go to all that trouble?

Red Lion Guy: We're not moving at all! In my day, kids respected their elders, especialy royals!

Link: Fine, I'll make it go east.

Link makes wind go east.

Link: Better?

Red Lion Guy: No.

Link: Ass.

Link makes wind go south.

Red Lion Guy: Ass.

Meanwhile.

Tingle's in jail and is waiting for Link to bust him out. (again)

Tingle: Rrrrgh! I'm so mad!

Tingle smashes every pot and crate in the room in his rage.

Tingle: Is that a mousehole? I think I can squeeze through here.

Tingle somehow makes it to the picto-box room and sees a gravestone.

Tingle: Is that a gravestone of a fairy? Poor fairy.

Evil looking fairy ghost comes out of the gravestone.

Tingle: Oh! A fairy. Mr.Fairy, will you share your power with me?

Fairy: Heh heh. Sure…

Fairy grins evil grin and flies into Tingle.

Tingle: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Tingle's eyes go all red. As of now, when Tingle speaks, it means possesed Tingle, unless specified.

Tingle: Now, I will pay you back, Link! I! The evil ghost of Navi! I will make your life hell! Mwuahahahahahahahaha!

Tingle blows up the jail and teleports to his tower.

Meanwhile

Link: Fine! I'll use the bleeping song!

Link plays Ballad og Gales. Accidently fumbles and teleports to Tingle Tower. Link Sees Tingle climbing the tower.

A/n: Again, so sorry for the delay. What an understatement. Either way please review.


	4. Chapter 4: Tingle Goes Tinkle

Interesting fact about this chapter. It was originaly going to be a mini-chapter in a fic of my friend's, but instead it became the basis for this fic. Either way, if you think this is inapropriate, that's too bad.

Tingle of Possesed Soul Chapter Four: Tingle Goes Tinkle

Link is standing on Red Lion Guy, staring at Tingle dancing on his tower.

Link:What the hell's going on?

Red Lion Guy: How should I know? This guy is completely psykotic.

Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! Child slaves, spin me faster.

Knuckle: Yes sir!

David Jr: I'm not even related to you! I came here against my will in a very tragic tale. It all started when…

Tingle: SPIN!

Slaves start spinning. Tingle starts peeing.

Link: This is sickening.

Tingle: Kooloo Limpah! Kooloo Limpah!

Tingle starts peeing faster and farther. Some hits Link.

Link: That does it!

Link pulls out his bow and an ice arrow. Link shoots the stream of urine. Ice follows up the flowing pee until it engulfs the entire island. David Jr and Knuckle jump into the sea.

Knuckle: We're free!

David Jr: Thank you sir Link!

Ex-slaves swim away. Zooplankton are eaten by tiny fishies and the food chain continues until big octos come into the picture. Big octos eat David Jr and Knuckle. Link Plays Ballad of Gales and sails away. A sushi dude comes over and kills the big octo and eats it.

End of Chapter

Next chapter will hopefully be up in a week. Chapter five is by far the funniest chapter in my opinion. What with the Kool Aid and the… you'll have to wait…


	5. Chapter 5: KoolAid and milk

Disclaimer: I do not own milk, kool aid, or juicy fruit.

This is my favourite chapter. It gives me great joy to recit everything in this chapter.

Tingle of Possesed Soul: Chapter Five: Flames and Milk and Kool Aid, Oh My!

Tingle is frozen on his tower. Suddenly, big glowy light comes and Tingle vanishes. Tingle appears in Hell

Ganondorf: So Navi. Is the boy dead?

Tingle: No, Master Ganondork. All that happened is that I peed on him.

Ganondorf: No matter… Hey wait! What did you call me!

Navi flies out of Tingle and he falls down uncontious.

Navi: I called you Ganondork, Master Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Impudent fairy.

Navi: Hey, look, listen!

Navi flies around idioticly in circles then flies back into Tingle

Tingle: I'll go stalk him, Master.

Ganondorf: Go then! And take your idiot host away!

Meanwhile, on Windfall

Link: There, I flew to Windfall. Happy?

Red Lion Guy: Yes I am! Now go buy me something from someone.

Link: Jerkwad.

Link goes over to the eskimo Zunari (who sounds like Apu from The Simpsons)

Link: What can I buy for one million rupees?

Zunari: I am sorry sir. We only sell takky decrative crap.

Link: Could I intrest you in buying takky non-crap from your supplier?

Zunari: No. But I could buy items from you.

Link smiles mischeviously.

Link: Sure. You can start by buying these fire arrows for 10000000 rupees.

Zunari: Do they work?

Link: Yes.

Link hands over 30 non-fire arrows and grins.

Zunari: Show me if they work.

Link takes arrow and lights it.

Zunari: Oooooohhhhh! Fire…

Zunari pokes fire.

Zunari: I'm gonna be a pyromaniac.

Link: I'm not so sure if that's a good idea.

Zunari: FIRE!

Zunari grabs fire arrow and lights all his flowers. Zunari's stand and the café catch on fire. Whole town burns to hell.

Link: AAAAAHHHHHH!

Link runs to Red Lion Guy.

Link: Step on it!

Red Lion Guy: You're the driver. You step on it. Oh, and did you get me something?

Link slaps his forehead. They sail away.

Meanwhile, still on Windfall

Random Guy: Holy Craaap! My house is on fire! Holy crap! My cardboard box is on fire! Holy craaaap! The IRS came for my burnt box! Holy Craaaap!

From somewhere: Never fear! Milk is here!

A bunch of those people from the milk song come and play their song. They pour one helluva lot of milk on the fire. The fire gets even bigger.

Some Guy: Holy Crap! Whats in that stuff.

One of the milk people walks up to them.

Milk Guy: Well, truth be told, we had to put alchohol in the milk to pay the people on our commercials.

Kool-Aid Man enters.

Kool-Aid Man: Oh Yeah!

The Koolaid man pours the contents of himself on the fire. It gets even bigger.

Some Guy: Whats in _that _stuff?

Kool Aid Man: I don't know. We just get monkeys to mine out juice crystals.

Meanwhile, On Kool-aid-Monkey-Island

A bunch of monkeys are working their butts off mining.

Green Kool-Aid Man: Work harder slaves!

Random monkey: Boss! Boss! I found one.

Green Kool Aid Man walks over to the monkey and takes the juice crystal. He puts it in a Kool Aid Man with only water in him. The Koolaid Man turns blue.

Green Koolaid Man: Its… Its… Its alive!

Blue Koolaid Man: Oh Yeah! Blue razzberry!

Meanwhile on Windfall

The Juicy Fruit Guy comes over and starts singing. The Lego Mafia comes and kills him.

Tingle appeers there.

Tingle: Damn! The town's on fire. Woah!

Tingle dodges a meteor that came from God knows where.

Tingle: Oh well, there goes Link. Tingle mineons, come to me!

Mineons: No.

Tingle: I'll give you pie.

Mineons: Fine.

Tingle and mineons fly towards Link.

End of Chapter.

A/n Yeah, I thought it was good too. Note: The guy that goes Holy Crap! Sounds like the guy that works at Krusty Burger from the simpsons. Next will be a week or so. Oh ya: Please review!


	6. Chapter 6: Zunari vs Deku Tree

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I said end of the week and I lied, but it's summer, so I can hopefully type all I want. Either way, note: next chapter will be completely un-zelda related and is simply an interlude.

Me: I do not own Link, Zelda, LoZ, strike-all brand matches, Bobobobobobobo gags, or reverse psycology. (Did I spell that right?)

Tingle of Possesed Soul: Chapter Six: Zunari vs Deku Tree

Zunari is somehow flying to the Forest Haven with a firery aura around him.

Zunari: I will burn you, Great Deku Tree!

Zunari arives at the tree.

Deku Tree: Why dost thou cometh to me and mine with hostile thoughts in thine brain?

Zunari: What?

Deku Tree: Go away!

Zunari: No! I will burn you!

Deku Tree: Run Koroks!

Zunari throws "Strike All" brand matches at Koroks. All Koroks get killed except Marker.

Deku Tree: How dare you!

Zunari: Now I'll kill you!

Zunari takes out match and flames the Deku Tree. The fire goes out instantly.

Zunari: What the hell!

Deku Tree: You can't hurt me with that!

Zunari flames the Tree with a lighter. It doesn't work.

Deku tree: I'm made of the wood that doesn't burn!

Zunari emties a whole propane tank on the Tree and lights it. Unaffected.

You can't kill me with fire! Zunari's hood comes off, revealing a giant afro. Zunari is surounded by a firery aura.

Zunari: Oh really?

Zunari flames the living hell out of the Deku Tree.

Deku Tree: No! Vageta!

Zunari:…?

Marker: Ooh… fire. I wanna be a pyromaniac.

Zunari: Then touch the fire.

Marker touches the fire and instantly burns up.

Zunari flames the entire island. Ten minutes later, the entire island itself was falling to a firery grave. And Zunari's carces can be found to this day, with scorch marks all over it.

A/n: There shouldn't be a delay for the next two. You've read and now you review.


End file.
